


nothing is perfect (that's how you know it's real)

by lurker85



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Post-Game(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 07:31:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3319208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lurker85/pseuds/lurker85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is how he knows it's real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	nothing is perfect (that's how you know it's real)

This is how he knows it's real.

1.

Early on, when they first started sharing a bed, he'd woken from a nightmare in the depths of the night. Nothing unusual about that, then or now.

Except this had when their relationship was still fresh and new and uncertain (but not that uncertain; even then he knew he was hers for as long as she would have him) and in that half-second between dream and waking he'd registered the warm and naked woman lying against him and his first thought had not been 'Evelyn' but _demon_.

In that half-second his heart nearly jumped out of his chest from fear; every muscle in his body locked up. In the morning, he remembers that moment and worries; would he have gone for distance, fleeing the bed, or would his first response have been violence? It could have ended very poorly, but Evie had exhaled right then, right across his chest where her head lay, and he realised she'd been drooling in her sleep, all over his chest.

The realisation was a pin in his ballooning fear. He was safe, it was real, it could only be real; desire demons do not drool on you while they sleep.

The half-second of terror and the absolute relief that had followed had induced a fit of giggles, which had woken a very confused Evie up, and what else was he supposed to do then but kiss her senseless?  Which had led on to other things, which led to them getting very little sleep that night, but the next morning he'd been cheerful regardless.  While Evelyn had been mortified when he'd eventually explained, it was forever one of his fonder memories.

2.

The nature of the war, and Evelyn's role as the Inquisitor, meant that a great deal of their first courtship had been conducted via letter. He thinks of it as their first courtship because once the war was over, when Corypheus was dead and Evelyn was actually in Skyhold more often that not and he was no longer working dawn to well past dusk to keep her safe, they'd had to learn what it was like to live with each other. And it had not been easy.

He found out that 'Evelyn is not a morning person' was an understatement, and learned to leave her alone until she'd finished her morning pot of tea. She found out that he could not be trusted to stay awake after sex, and was annoyed by it or used it to her advantage as she saw fit. His mother's discipline and half a lifetime spent in the templars meant he was tidy by habit; Evelyn was chronically unable to pick up after herself. They both had a tendency to spread out and take up as much bedspace as possible - Evelyn was a blanket hog - he snored if he slept on his stomach.

Their second courtship is one of boundaries, negotiation and compromise. In that first year of peace they found quite a few things about each other that they didn't like all that much. But.

But.

Even now, his heart still hammers in his chest when she smiles at him just so. She still blushes when he whispers in her ear. She waits, patiently, for him to find the right words, no matter how badly he's stumbled or how angry she is. He never lets an argument fester, never leaves anger or hurt feelings to simmer into resentment.  Somehow, the small flaws and rough edges never overcame the wonder, the love, the gratitude he feels. They only ever frame it.

3.

Their eldest had colic as a baby, and cried endlessly, until Evie was snappish and tearful from exhaustion and he'd contemplated leaving Skyhold to inspect their field forces, possibly in the Western Approach.

Their youngest turned two and threw temper tantrums at the slightest provocation, screamed until red in the face, threw herself on the floor and her toys at whoever was nearest. They took turns being the disciplinarian, and Cullen tried his best to brook no nonsense without losing his temper. It didn't always work.

One son became fearless and reckless; Cullen alternated between worry and relief, between wanting to strangle him and wanting to hug him close and thank the Maker that he's alright. The other son was withdrawn and shy, his struggles silent; his battles were marked by shadows under his eyes and a lack of smiles, and they feared for him in a entirely different way.  His daughters hit puberty and suddenly could not stand their mother or each other, and Cullen feels no desire to relive those years of playing peacemaker and drying tears and, occasionally, hiding in his office for the worst of shouting.

Their children grew up, and needed their parents less. They left, and did not write as they should. They lived as their parents taught them to live, and sometimes that meant they threw themselves in harm's way, and Cullen and Evelyn were torn between pride and dismay.

4.

Nothing is perfect. But when he wakes from nightmares at night (they never went away; love and time changed them but did not cure them) he never doubts that this is real.

**Author's Note:**

> Some unhappy fics floating around Tumblr where the Inquisition and the Inquisitor are basically Cullen's delusion, a happy lie fed by a desire demon, lyrium madness, take your pick. They're good fics, but there's only so much angst I can take, so I wrote myself an antidote.


End file.
